GROUNDHOGE DAY ECONOMIC AUTHORITY
DEPARTMENT OF SUPPLY
CHAIN OPERATIONS
OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE — PROCUREMENT PORTAL
AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY • CLEARANCE LEVEL: PUBLIC • CATALOG REV. 2026-Q2
"THE ORACLE HAS SPOKEN" TEE
DEPT. OF SUPPLY CHAIN"THE ORACLE HAS SPOKEN" TEE
COMING SOONClassic black tee. Front: Groundhoge Day logo. Back: "To question the Oracle is to question physics."
"$HOGE IS NOT A SECURITY" TEE
DEPT. OF SUPPLY CHAIN"$HOGE IS NOT A SECURITY" TEE
COMING SOONBlack tee. Front: "$HOGE is not a security. $HOGE is a shadow."
"WHISTLE-PIG" HOODIE
DEPT. OF SUPPLY CHAIN"WHISTLE-PIG" HOODIE
COMING SOONBlack hoodie. Front: "CODENAME: WHISTLE-PIG" with species designation.
"INNER CIRCLE" TOP HAT
DEPT. OF SUPPLY CHAIN"INNER CIRCLE" TOP HAT
SOLD OUTFormal top hat. "Only 15 exist. You are not one of them."
"100% REVELATION" DAD CAP
DEPT. OF SUPPLY CHAIN"100% REVELATION" DAD CAP
COMING SOONEmbroidered. "139 consecutive revelations. Zero failures. The Oracle reveals."
"ELIXIR OF LIFE" MUG
DEPT. OF SUPPLY CHAIN"ELIXIR OF LIFE" MUG
COMING SOONCeramic mug. Recipe printed on side: vodka, milk, eggs, OJ. "Each sip extends your life by 7 years (not verified)."
"GOBBLER'S KNOB TERMINAL" MOUSEPAD
DEPT. OF SUPPLY CHAIN"GOBBLER'S KNOB TERMINAL" MOUSEPAD
COMING SOONXXL mousepad with terminal aesthetic, green-on-black.
"BUREAU OF BIOLOGICAL RESEARCH" POSTER
DEPT. OF SUPPLY CHAIN"BUREAU OF BIOLOGICAL RESEARCH" POSTER
COMING SOON18x24 print. Species dossier layout with hibernation vitals.
All merchandise is produced by the Department of Supply Chain Operations. Delivery times are determined by the Oracle and are non-negotiable. Returns accepted only during leap years.
GROUNDHOGE DAY ECONOMIC AUTHORITY • DEPT. OF SUPPLY CHAIN OPERATIONS • EST. 1887